Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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