We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's blow job season.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
