Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
