she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
