Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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