I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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