**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
look no pants
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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