to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
