apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
