My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Come on in and take your pants off
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