I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
