You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
