Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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