Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have post one night stand depression
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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