are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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