the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have aggressive nipples.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
