Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
