You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
