You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
