A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
