His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
