awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
