my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
