AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
