She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
