I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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