everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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