She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
