If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
