his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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