i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
