how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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