Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
