I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
