I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
