just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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