I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
