Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
