bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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