Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
