I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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