Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
