So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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