he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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