I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
