Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
