Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
