hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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