My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
