He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
