tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
